I want
This afternoon, while ironing clothes with no sounds or music playing in the background, I realized that I wanted to be an artist, no matter what. Before I started ironing out my clothes, I was looking at illustrations by Velinxi, and the things she creates aligned so much with the things I loved to make the most: stories.
Growing up, I always wanted to be an artist. I kept a series of sketchbooks ever since the age of 11. I spent hours and hours drawing on paper or on my pen tablet, trying to make my imagination a reality. In my high school years, I dreaded over my worthlessness and lack of assistance when creating a portfolio for university applications. Entering my college years, I denied partaking in competitions or submitting to events and galleries because I still thought I wasn’t good enough.
Only recently did I realize how much potential I had in myself. People who drew better than me still liked my drawings. My friends and peers loved my ideas for college assignments. I know how to do a lot of things, and I pushed it all away because my self esteem is close to non-existent and my constant need to compare myself to others blinded me from what I can do. I had all the skills needed to do the things I want. So, what’s stopping me?
I’m glad I realized this just now. If I spent my time doing other things just because I thought that’s the only way to live a successful life in the future, I wouldn’t take good care of my mental health or even take a closer look at all the things I could do. And if I failed? I can always start again.