Rough 3 weeks
I'm going through a terrible heartbreak.
It wasn't something I'm unfamiliar of, but it's the first time I caught feelings for a someone I was really close to. Not someone I viewed from a distance, but real in my eyes. We got along really well, shared similar interests, told many stories, and there were just some things we did that we wouldn't do with other friends.
In the end, I fell for a trap. Another one-sided feeling for someone I respected and also respected me back. No matter what I did, how close we were, our feelings would never align, and the three years I spent getting to know this person ended up being useless.
I don't think our friendship could ever go back to what it used to be. And based on previous experience, it'll take months, years even, for me to recover and move on.
Crying it out, something that I'm supposed to do right after that rejection 3 weeks ago, was close to impossible. All I could do is ponder and stare into nothing. But my mind kept wondering: If every single chemistry formula ended up in zero reactions, then maybe I wasn't meant for a relationship in the first place. Which means, I could only watch people live happily from afar. As weeks passed, the pain started to show, and the heaviness started to weigh in my chest, and when those tears couldn't be released, there's barely anything I could do to ease the pain.
I don't know man, I feel like shit. I don't wanna talk more shit since this person meant a lot to me, but the pain I felt was real even if the heartbreak started out as emptiness and relief.
Rest in peace to the hope and feelings I had. It's time to escape the emotional loophole.